Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
