Buhtt sex?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
