I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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