OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
