Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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