You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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