Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
