This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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