got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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