Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
