i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
