hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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