If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
