i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
