Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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