She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
