Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
