I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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