We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How does one acquire holy water?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
