no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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