Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
