I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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