Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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