Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
