Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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