Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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