Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
