Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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