Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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