I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
