I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
