there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
