I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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