i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
porn star boner night. come get it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Vodka?
Forever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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