Ambien. No doubt about it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
