The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
