I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
