Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
