I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
