fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
