I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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