Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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