Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
