Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
