I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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