over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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