Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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