Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We have started to decorate penises.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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