I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
