She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
